While contemplating my return to work, part of me has felt guilty. Guilty, because returning to work would mean that I would no longer be at home with my children full-time. Yet I know how much my hubby and I need the extra income.
Even though I know how much I really do need to return to work, it does nothing to quell the guilt I feel over heading back to work.
For me, family is thee most important thing in my life, and being home with my children is very important to me. However, living on one income is not always easy. My husband and I have managed, and we certainly don't spend frivolously. We stick to pretty much only buying the bare essentials.
However, as my children get older, they want more things, and many of the things they want are expensive. One expensive area is what it costs for them to join various sports leagues and teams and that's not including the expense of buying them the required gear eg; hockey equipment etc.
While contemplating whether now is a good time, and whether or not I should return to work just yet, I prayed for a sign.
While sitting quietly one night, in the darkness of my bedroom. I closed my eyes and quieted myself. After a few moments, I spoke out into the dark room and asked God if He was listening.
I then basically told God that I am contemplating returning to work. I told Him about how I am unsure if it is the right thing to do. I asked Him if I should simply focus on staying at home longer, or if I should follow my gut instinct and return to work now?
I then asked for God to give me a sign. I asked God to please give me a sign if I am meant to return to work. I also asked for Him to give me my sign within the next three days.
I told Him that if I did not see my sign within the next three days, then I would know that my returning to work right now is not such a great idea, and I'll focus on staying home with my children.
I then asked for God to please send a beautiful butterfly my way. I asked for a butterfly that had beautiful, unusual markings so that I could distinguish it from just any old butterfly that may have just happened to have appeared.
Over the next few days I continually paid attention to my surroundings. I never saw any butterflies, not even one. I found that odd because prior to asking God for a sign, I had been seeing lots of butterflies this summer. In fact, that was the reason I asked for a distinct looking butterfly, so that I would know for certain that it wasn't just some random butterfly, but that it was intended for me, that it was my sign.
It was a little over a week ago, three days after I asked for my sign, that I finally received it.
While sitting in my parents backyard, a beautiful butterfly, one with colours and a pattern on its wings that I have never seen before, fluttered past me. It landed on the side of the gazebo, right in front of me, where I was sitting. It continued to simply sit there and flutter its wings.
I immediately wondered if it was the sign I had asked for. Given the distinct colours and markings on it, I knew for certain it was. As soon as I realized that it was perhaps my sign, it flew up and towards the sky. It then flew out of the yard and out of sight.
I felt so incredibly happy and so very thankful. I asked for a sign, and I received it. God had not let me down.
I began to feel tears well up in my eyes. I then looked up towards the sky and said a quiet, "Thank you God. Thank you."
I very much feel as though I have been so very blessed in my life. Many times throughout my life I have felt as though God truly was there for me, listening to me.
In saying that however, there have also been times when I felt all alone and I felt that God had abandoned me.
But mostly I have felt that He has heard me, that He was in fact listening. And many times, He has answered.
At times, the answer was not the one I wanted, and at times my question was not answered immediately and I was left wondering where God was.
But I have come to find that God does hear us, and He does answer, He always answers. The real question is, Are we listening?
"Prayer at its highest is a two-way conversation-and for me the most important part is listening to God's replies."
~Frank C. Laubach~
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