Due to experiences that I have had throughout my life, I completely believe that when our physical body dies, our spirit, our essence; that part of us that makes us who we are, does not die with our physical body.
I believe our spirit simply transitions and goes somewhere else. Where it goes, I honestly don't know for certain.
But, I believe there are other spiritual realms, places of existence and it is there that our spirit goes.
I also believe that the realm in which we go to, is where other like-minded spirits reside.
I believe that every single living thing on earth is connected. We are all connected to a higher consciousness, God, or whatever else you like to call it. This higher consciousness/God, lives in every single one of us, and it is through this connection to this higher consciousness/God, that we are all connected.
I believe that every single person here on this earth, in this physical existence has a purpose. Each and every one of us is here; serving a tremendously important purpose.
However, that does not mean that I am completely aware of what my purpose is. There has been more than one time, when out of frustration I have asked God, through tears due to frustration, just what the hell I am doing here.
And of course, at times when I think I'm getting a grasp on why I'm here, a huge curve ball gets thrown my way, hits me dead on, and throws me off my path and sends me right back to asking God why the hell I am here.
I have felt insignificant and small, unimportant. But deep down I don't truly believe that is true. I believe every one is tremendously important and seriously significant. Even if we don't feel it or believe it at times.
It was at a low point in my life, in fact it was probably the lowest point in my entire life when I became frustrated and felt as though I had completely wandered so far off of my path in life that I would never find my way back.
As a little girl, I had imagined how my life would be one day. Yet I was at a point in my life that my life was so far from what I had hoped and imagined it would be when I was growing up, that I didn't even recognize it.
I had recently ended a very tumultuous, abusive marriage. I had married a man that was nothing at all like the man I had imagined as a little girl that I would one day marry.
Feeling hurt, disappointed and completely alone while laying in bed one night, I asked out into the complete and utter darkness of my bedroom through tears, "God? Where are you?"
I then basically asked God what happened to the knight in shining armour that I had envisioned I would marry one day when I was a little girl. Why couldn't I find him? Why hadn't I met him? Did he even exist?
I couldn't help but wonder why the hell I married someone that was so abusive and who made my life such a living hell. Why did I have to endure so much emotional suffering? I hadn't been happy in so long that I seriously forgot what happiness felt like.
I then fell asleep. That night was the first of many nights that I dreamt of a faceless man.
In the dreams involving this man, he was a man I was certain I had known before. I knew I was completely and utterly in love with him too, but for the life of me, could not remember him.
In these dreams I would be so happy to see him that I would end up in tears out of sheer happiness just to see him. Also in these dreams, whenever he told me he had to go, I would get so upset that I would begin to cry. I did not want to be without him.
During these dreams I had this strange, inexplicable "knowing" that he and I were meant to be together, and that he and I had been together throughout many, many past lives.
Yet, whenever I woke up from these dreams I could not remember what this guy looked like. All I could remember was that he was tall and had a very large, strong build. I also remembered the shape of his nose because it was so very distinct.
It was really strange because I could only remember what he looked like as a shadowy outline, as if the front of him was blackened out because of a bright light shining from behind him.
I could not remember his face, only the outline of his nose. I wracked my brain trying to figure out where I knew him from, but I could not for the life of me remember. It really bugged me. In fact, it bugged me so much that I started writing about these dreams in a dream journal that I kept. I even drew many pictures of how this dream man would appear to me, only seeing the shadowy outline of his face and body.
Many months passed and I eventually stopped having these dreams. I had even eventually forgotten about them.
It was a couple of years later that I ended up in touch with my very first crush. I was six years old when I had met him for the very first time, and he was much older than me. He was seventeen at the time. His younger cousin and I were friends. My friend lived with her mom and dad, older brother, and their grandma. So, he was at her house visiting with their grandma and hanging out with his cousin, (my friends' older brother), when I first met him.
As soon as I saw him, I felt my heart flutter and I gasped. I thought he was the most gorgeous "boy" I had ever seen before. His hair was in the typical style of that time, "feathered" and kind of long. I thought his dark brown hair was the most beautiful hair I had ever seen in my entire life. As soon as I got home I told my Mom all about him, informing her that I was going to marry him one day.
Given my age, he of course simply thought of me as "a cute little kid". Growing up, he was around my neighbourhood a lot, since he frequently visited and slept over at his cousin's house. His group of friends and my group of friends all knew each other, and since the neighbourhood kids pretty much all hung around to together, I saw him quite often.
While growing up I remained truly smitten with him. I loved everything about him, his smile, his laugh, his personality. I always had this "knowing" that if I had been older, he and I would hit it off, that we were right for each other. Weird for a kid to be thinking I know, but it's truly how I felt.
I would continually tell my mom and dad that when I grew up I was going to marry him one day. My parents would laugh, and then remind me that he was too old for me. I however, would always insist that one day our ages would not matter.
It was my Nana that would always smile and say, "You just never know." She believed that it was possible, that perhaps one day he and I would meet up, fall in love and get married. She insisted that perhaps my soul being so young and "new" to this side, was recognizing his soul. I know I definitely loved to think so.
But as time goes on, things change and eventually my family moved away from the neighbourhood, so did his. I never saw him again. In fact the last time I saw him I was 18 or 19 and I saw him in passing. We simply exchanged hellos and that was about it. I found however that I was still very much smitten with him.
I often thought about him over the years, wondering how he was, who he married. I had always loved his smile and his laugh, as well as his personality. I always felt like if I had been older, and he and I had been the same ages when we first met, we would have hit it off and would have been perfect for each other.
So, here it was, over 29 years since I had first met him; my childhood crush. He was eleven years older than me, but we were at a point in our lives that the age difference wouldn't matter one bit.
The first time we talked on the phone, we immediately hit it off. We talked for hours. A few weeks later we decided to meet up. As soon as I saw him and saw his smile and heard that old familiar laugh of his, I began falling head over heels in love with him.
It all felt so surreal. He and I could not believe how comfortable we felt with each other. It felt like we had known each other forever. Neither of us could believe how incredibly right for each other we seemed. And as time passed we were both amazed at how much in love we were with the other. It was as if we were so obviously meant to be together. Neither of us had ever felt this way for another, ever.
Then, one night while at my house, he left the room. When he came back into the room, the way the light from the room behind him was shining, it cast a shadow over his face and body, I immediately froze. I could not believe it! He looked just like the man from my dreams! It was him!
I began to cry and of course he asked me what was wrong. I immediately retrieved my dream journal and explained my dreams. I then showed him my drawings. He could not believe it, he laughed. Even he could see that it looked exactly like him.
Well, it turned out that God did not forget about me. I found my dream man, my knight in shining armour.
We are now married, and my life with him has been more happy than I ever could have possibly imagined. We were both blessed with a beautiful little boy.
Not a day passes that I do not thank God for bringing us together. His temperament and personality, sense of humour, are all exactly like the man I envisioned myself marrying one day when I was a little girl.
My Nana was right, I truly believe that he is indeed my soul mate.
I guess dreams really can come true.
Copyright © 2013 A Haunted Life
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